Hafreez : 2014 : Passion or Path?

So,
where to begin exactly?

Life has been CRA.ZY.
There you go.

Alhamdulillah.
1st of all. I'd like to thank my mutants. I'm on the list of "Artis baru lelaki paling popular" (top 5 Anugerah Bintang Popular Berita Harian 2014) because of you guys. It's indeed, an honor for me and I appreciate it so much.

Let me say few things that I've been wanting to say honestly, but I just can't.

Aku tak pernah bercakap tentang kerjaya yang aku pilih secara terbuka (come to think of it. Never really talk about anything secara terbuka pung )

Wherever I'm at now, the stage I am currently at now, Aku sangat happy dan bersyukur.
It's not where I pictured myself to be at, 2 years back.
This is already big enough for me.

Tapi rezeki, kuasa Allah. siapa boleh sangka dan sangkal kan.

But honestly...
(I) don't know if I'm up for it.

It was never my dream to be a model nor an actor.
At first, when I started this (acting).
I did it because the door was opened for me.
Rezeki.
And I did it because I had nothing better to do.
tengah cari hala tuju masa tu.
Mula-mula berlakon, rasa seronok.
Timbul minat.

I did "Puteri Malam". masa tu lah aku tahu I'd be fully committed to this.
I fell in love.

and more projects came after that.
And then, there was that opportunity, to do "Bila Hati Berbicara".
I took it. went through so much.
It was literally 24/7 of working hours
I was exhausted. drained.

Tahu tak Aku terlibat dalam kemalangan kereta masa shoot BHB?
Kebetulan baru break shoot untuk raya.
Sehari sebelum raya. Aku terlelap waktu memandu. dan aku langgar pembahagi jalan dan kereta aku berpusing terbalik dan terseret ke tengah jalan raya.

Alhamdulillah. Masih diberi nafas.

But no, Aku bukan disini untuk complain.
Because BHB has changed me a lot.
Positively and negatively.
But regardless of what it did to me.
I am very grateful.
I got a bunch of strong supporters with me because of it.
got lots of other great opportunities because of it, too.
and I'm very glad I did it (BHB).

but you see,
after that accident.
It's been different.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I just look at life a whole lot differently.

what if, that was my last call?
was it all worth it?
sentiasa sibuk dengan kerja, dan ketinggalan banyak perkara lain?

I don't know..

Apa yang Aku tahu since then,
I want what I want.
Because to lose something for something I feel so reluctant to do.
It's not the kind of life I was aiming for.

Aku komited dengan kerja aku.
very, committed.
tapi aku dekat satu point yang aku macam, if I don't get what I want.
I will just drop everything and say goodbye.

permintaan Aku tak banyak or susah pun.
Just to have time to spend dengan mereka-mereka yang terpenting dalam hidup Aku.
Sebab, "masa", kita tak akan dapat beli untuk ganti dengan apa yang dah terlepas.
I need my family, my girlfriend, my best friends yang kenal aku sepenuhnya,
to keep myself grounded.
to keep myself real.
to keep myself sane.

Masalah aku sekarang ni,
Aku macam tak passionate sangat.
Bukan passion aku untuk jadi pelakon.
Yes, I fell in love with it.
And I do like doing it,
But, it's not passion.
Thus, ada rasa kosong di satu sudut dalam hati ni.
Where I don't feel happy.

Don't ask me why.
I don't even know why.
Masih tengah mencari jawapan.
I'm hoping that the longer I'm here, doing this.
I'll get even more into it.
And I'll find that passion.

And even though aku tak ada passion.
I don't take things for granted.
Macam Aku cakap. bila kerja. Aku komited.


I need people to know that my mission is different from the rest.
Aku masih belajar untuk sesuaikan diri. because this is not me.

Aku ni nerd. A total geek. Aku selalu dalam dunia aku sendiri.
And it's really hard for me to let people in.
Sebab tu aku lagi suka bercakap pasal kerjaya sahaja.


You see, what I really want is just a happy, positive life.

Sekarang ni, motivation Aku hanya family aku and my mutants, HafreezHype FC.
Aku masih mencuba sekarang ni sebab diaorang ni ada keyakinan dekat aku.
and for that, Thank You.

Sekarang ni, sementara aku cari passion aku.
Aku akan ikut flow dan aturan yang Allah dah susun untuk aku.

Because I do believe that everything happens for a reason.

p/s : Entry ni dibuat pada awal tahun 2015.
And it's been in "draft" ever since,
but I decided to finally post it because I want you guys to understand my journey.
Banyak lagi posts dalam draft yang Abe akan publish lepas ni.
Stay Positive.

by

H.A