June 20, 2015

My Mom Has Cancer

Assalamualaikum,
Bismillah Al Rahman Al Rahim,

"Mom's diagnosed with cancer"

My entire body froze when I heard the news. Every single molecule in my body was trying to reject and deny what I've just heard. I can hear my sister's sob on the other line. Trying her best to be strong but it was futile.

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to feel. I don't know what to think. I have no words of comfort for her, not even for myself. Silence. I was pulled into a pitch-black space with so many voices of my own echoing all over. I was frightened. I was filled with fear. I was haunted by the thought that mom was about to die. So many emotions. So many questions. All mixed up. I was submerged into my own internal dialogue.

"I'm not ready"

"I am just not ready

"How can I face all this"

After a while, we hung up. I was still in disbelief. I stood there, zoning into void. Excused myself from the meeting and rushed to the prayer room. I let my worried and sad heart make peace by the waves of ablution. 

I pulled myself together. I searched and gathered all the strength that I can muster to clear up my head and pray. Duaa. I seek tranquility, peace and guidance. After a while, I picked up my phone and I texted my sister. 

"We have to accept the fact that our life will change"



I walked back to the audit room and resume my work. I didn't bother calling anyone else nor bother informing anyone. I didn't think any words or any forms of comfort from anyone can put my heart at ease.
"Shhhh It's fine" - The Sekolah Series by Caryn Koh

But then again, this is not the time for me to be sad. Not the time to be depressed. Not the time to be lost in translation. I'm not the one who is going through it. I need to focus on my mom's health mentally, physically, emotionally.

But how do I do that?

So I started to educate myself with cancer. I learn more on the prognosis. I learned about the types and the survival rate. The treatment options. Chemo? Surgery? Radiation? Hormonal? The side effects of each treatments. The risks.  I was glad that I took the initiative to know what I don't know because learning something about cancer calmed some of those terrors

Cancer has always existed among humans.

So I couldn't stop myself from pondering on the bigger questions such as why was there no cure yet? and I would google for biographies of those who had tried and the reasons why they had failed.  The more I read the more I think and the more messed up I get. (With all the medical jargons gosh) So I told myself, let's just worry and focus on things that we have control on and let HIM decide on the others (things beyond our control). So keep on praying and hold on tightly to your faith towards HIM.

Alhamdulillah, the surgery went well and the Doctor said that the cancer was at Stage 1. So there's no need for chemo, radiology or hormone therapy. However, mom would need to go hospital for checkups for the next 5 years. Alhamdulillah. I was relieved. It was like a huge burden were lifted off my shoulders at an instant. 

Most importantly, this experience has prepared me so much. For the next time the disease or other kind of disease strikes, whether that be within myself or within a member of my family or even against one of my friends. I know that this will come eventually since 1/3 of us will develop cancer in our lifetimes (Not to scare you, but the reality is true as it is). When we count our families and our friends it is evident that we will all be touched in some time, some how, some way. You never know. 

And I have learned that ignorance is no way to deal with itWe hear a lot of stories, from the movies, from songs. They tell us to love our loved ones before it is too late. There's also this saying you will never learn until it really happen to you. So. 

Cherish your loved ones before it's too late. 



Written by,
Aiman Ariffin
p/s: I tried to summarize the story as short and condense as possible, sorry if you find it really confusing





10 comments:

Your friend said...

Dear Aiman, thank you for showing me how strong a person can be. May Allah ease everything for you and your family..

Nur Haziqah Mohd Rosli said...

hai aiman, i hope you can be strong. inshaaAllah ada hikmah semua ni jadi.

Anonymous said...

Weh be strong doh

Cinta Sakura said...

please be strong... sakit adalah penghapus dosa... semua yang terjadi pasti ada hikmah yang tersirat... sesungguhnya ALLAH hanya menguji mengikut kemampuan hamba-hamba Nya... stay strong....

Anonymous said...

Do read about HITV therapy too. :) http://hitvlab.com/hitv-cancer-therapy.html

dr mastura said...

HITV THERAPY is not approved and indicated for stage 1 cancer. please discuss with the oncologist or the surgeon before attempting non approved or non standard treatment as it may cause unnecessary harm to patients

ReventonManiac said...

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4209346/#!po=0.480769

Hi Aiman, I am very sorry to hear that. I think for now just need to take care of her diet. This is because her diet will also affect her body's physiology. Just lead a healthy lifestyle. Must keep an eye on the sugar intake. Also, eat a lot of antioxidant fruits to reduce the R.O.S in the body (which may lead to a relapse) This is just my 2cents.

Amir said...

Alhamdulillah..dapat kesan pada peringkat awal lagi. Moga sihat sentiasa hendaknya..Aamiiin :)

zune lim said...

Hi Aiman,

I was searching around for cancer treatment and sorts of information, there I read your post. Glad to know that the surgery went well, it's axactly like my dad's case 2.5 years ago.

We're so glad that no chemo or any treatment needed after the removal, it means so fortunate and successful attempt, dad is in the path of recovering and we are happy to see him getting healthier everyday.

However, it comes back, comes back stronger & hit us harder this time. We start researching and looking for potential treatment that can shrink it/ slow down the growth of cancer cell, with very little hope but we are still hang in there. However we have regretted we do one or two things after the first surgery 2.5 years ago, and that's why I am here, to share with you- hope you understand I am not to bring the nightmare back to life, I just hope I was more cautious last time and it might change what has happened now.

1st, do consult a good oncologist/ or few different oncologist (from different hospital), to see whether a Pet scan is necessary, if it is a real cancer, it posses the ability of metastasis at early stage, I pray that your mom's was just a benign tumor. I hope we did it last time so we ll know early, might not mean there's gonna help by knowing early but at least we aware of it.

2ndly, balance diet is very essential to help auntie from recovering & to avoid reoccurrence of it, there is a lot of different diet- eg: cut down the sugar intake, no red meat and lists go on.

It's painful to come back or to get mom to go through any test and scan any diet again, like reminding our love one they are not healthy like us, but stay strong, and do whatever need to be done, we have only one chance, one tiny chance, I feel awful that we missed it, we didn't do it thoroughly and we have to deal with bigger wave now.

Everyday is a blessing, may you and mom live in God's love forever.

zune lim said...

Hi Aiman,

I was searching around for cancer treatment and sorts of information, there I read your post. Glad to know that the surgery went well, it's axactly like my dad's case 2.5 years ago.

We're so glad that no chemo or any treatment needed after the removal, it means so fortunate and successful attempt, dad is in the path of recovering and we are happy to see him getting healthier everyday.

However, it comes back, comes back stronger & hit us harder this time. We start researching and looking for potential treatment that can shrink it/ slow down the growth of cancer cell, with very little hope but we are still hang in there. However we have regretted we do one or two things after the first surgery 2.5 years ago, and that's why I am here, to share with you- hope you understand I am not to bring the nightmare back to life, I just hope I was more cautious last time and it might change what has happened now.

1st, do consult a good oncologist/ or few different oncologist (from different hospital), to see whether a Pet scan is necessary, if it is a real cancer, it posses the ability of metastasis at early stage, I pray that your mom's was just a benign tumor. I hope we did it last time so we ll know early, might not mean there's gonna help by knowing early but at least we aware of it.

2ndly, balance diet is very essential to help auntie from recovering & to avoid reoccurrence of it, there is a lot of different diet- eg: cut down the sugar intake, no red meat and lists go on.

It's painful to come back or to get mom to go through any test and scan any diet again, like reminding our love one they are not healthy like us, but stay strong, and do whatever need to be done, we have only one chance, one tiny chance, I feel awful that we missed it, we didn't do it thoroughly and we have to deal with bigger wave now.

Everyday is a blessing, may you and mom live in God's love forever.