March 16, 2016

You Have To Just Deal With It

Bismillah Al Rahman Al Rahim,

Got back from dinner with a childhood friend of mine whom I cut myself from for almost 4-5 years.

Well, shit happens in life. Arguments or misunderstandings or disagreements inevitably occur no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to avoid it.

Normal la not kalau gaduh, we tend to avoid each other. That tension creates space and soon we build walls or barriers. The next thing you know, you adapt to that void which were once filled by your friend. Its part of human nature to protect themselves from harm, be it physically, psychologically or spiritually. We reject and flush what upsets us out from our system.

But then, as for me, I'm already at an age (I feel so old for saying this blergh) where I can't afford to lose friends anymore. Good friends. Best friends. Close friends. You name it. Why? Cause it's so God damn difficult to have a new one. You need time to nurture as well as grow friendships and I just don't have that luxury to do so.  

So I chose to suck it up. To basically be an adult. If there is any conflict, sort it out. Apologize. Put it behind. Move on. Don't be bitter about it. Don't take it to the heart. Cause I just can't afford to go through another bloody long years of cold war over differences that by right we should have accepted it the moment we became friends. I just can't and I won't. I just don't have that capacity to go through it anymore.

So, here I am, letting go of my grudges of those who have wronged or hurt me. Letting go of my pain, fear of being alone. Letting go of my frustration and anger. I'm just glad that two of long lost friends contacted me again, we met and had an amazing time catching up and concluded life is too good to hold grudges against each other.

If your friends pissed you off, probably you should evaluate the friendship but if it were your best friends instead, just forgive and forget. Be the bigger person in life. They fall in that exception category right, so deal with it. LOL. No really. Trust me. Why would you do that to yourself right?  Why you wanna be sad about it? Ok now go call them and be happy.

Written by,
Aiman Ariffin 

September 08, 2015

The Unexpected

Bismillah Al Rahman Al Rahim,

Bersawang dah blog ni. Been pestering adam to update it but as you may already know, he is extremely busy with his work. One after another. I didn't wanna keep on posting my writing. Bosan plak orang baca huhu but then since adam insisted that I should just post whatever I feel like writing, so here we go! Just wanna share a story that is quite significant to me. An experience that I've earned unexpectedly.

So, after rejecting medicine, I didn't know what I want to do in life (fuuh, ayat drama). As a profession. My future was bleak. So my parents stood up and gave me the opportunity to study accountancy & finance.

I never liked accounting to be honest, but yeah, parents knows best for you kan? So blaja je la. Coming from a pure science background, those accounts subjects are like alien to me. Double entry, book keeping, balance sheet, depreciation, yadida yadida my gad! hate it. Balance sheet slalu tak balance >_< cash flow slalu hancus T_T.

But then what to do. I was already pursuing my degree in overseas and theres no way turning back after knowing how much my parents invested in me. Memang sah kena lempang kalau kata nak balik  Malaysia lol.

So I kept on denying that feeling. I forced myself to absorb everything that've been taught and then vomit everything during exam. I literally survived like that through out the whole course of Accountancy & Finance. *fuuh lap peluh.

Ehcehwah, tayang gambar graduation sikit
Came back Malaysia, then got an offer to work at one of the biggest accounting firm in the world as an external auditor. Fuuh, excited dia lain macam sikit. No, honestly, I was looking forward to working life hoping that it would be so much more kinder to me.

Having that mindset in place, my oh my how wrong was I. I hated the job. Working around the clock. Lack of resources. Constant pressure from client and bosses. High expectations from superiors. No weekends and the list goes on and on and on. I still remember how much I wanted to resign on the first week of my probation. So pathetickan. What a noob -.-"

I never did any internship before (Why would I wanna work during holidays right? huahua) I mean, I never knew working life can be so so so different from how I imagined it to be. How naive. How lame of me, yeah i know. 

EVERYBODY thought I couldn't last even for a month. When I say everybody means EVERYONE, all of them. My colleagues. My friends. My family.

But what they didn't know, what I didn't know was that, no matter how bad you dislike something, or someone, or anything, you can learn/grow to like it/them. So slowly, I grew liking what I was doing. Of course, with the help of supportive family, colleagues and friends (listening to me ranting about how stressful work is lol you can ask adam, dia selalu jadi mangsa huhu)

But then, I managed to stay in the firm longer than most of my batch. You have to understand, the turn over rate in my company is exceptionally super high. The number of people in and out is like liquid, so volatile. To stay long in the firm is actually an achievement. Really. 

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, don't ever look down at other people when they are going through crisis cause at the end of the day, they might do better than you do and to never give up. Cause you yourself might surprise what you can actually do. Cause I definitely surprised myself. You'll never know how far you can go until you push yourself to YOUR limit

But I left the firm due to family reasons. Mom's not feeling well so being the youngest in the family with no commitment what so ever, I've decided to be take a break from my career life to focus on my mom (Nicer way to say that I'll be bumming around huhu)

Since I'm unemployed, I've been actively seeking for new opportunities. So I'll share my interview tips with you guys out there who are currently looking for a job in my next post. InsyaAllah.

Till then, stay positive, have an open mind and be strong.

Written by,
Aiman Ariffin

June 20, 2015

My Mom Has Cancer

Bismillah Al Rahman Al Rahim,

"Mom's diagnosed with cancer"

My entire body froze when I heard the news. Every single molecule in my body was trying to reject and deny what I've just heard. I can hear my sister's sob on the other line. Trying her best to be strong but it was futile.

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to feel. I don't know what to think. I have no words of comfort for her, not even for myself. Silence. I was pulled into a pitch-black space with so many voices of my own echoing all over. I was frightened. I was filled with fear. I was haunted by the thought that mom was about to die. So many emotions. So many questions. All mixed up. I was submerged into my own internal dialogue.

"I'm not ready"

"I am just not ready

"How can I face all this"

After a while, we hung up. I was still in disbelief. I stood there, zoning into void. Excused myself from the meeting and rushed to the prayer room. I let my worried and sad heart make peace by the waves of ablution. 

I pulled myself together. I searched and gathered all the strength that I can muster to clear up my head and pray. Duaa. I seek tranquility, peace and guidance. After a while, I picked up my phone and I texted my sister. 

"We have to accept the fact that our life will change"

I walked back to the audit room and resume my work. I didn't bother calling anyone else nor bother informing anyone. I didn't think any words or any forms of comfort from anyone can put my heart at ease.
"Shhhh It's fine" - The Sekolah Series by Caryn Koh

But then again, this is not the time for me to be sad. Not the time to be depressed. Not the time to be lost in translation. I'm not the one who is going through it. I need to focus on my mom's health mentally, physically, emotionally.

But how do I do that?

So I started to educate myself with cancer. I learn more on the prognosis. I learned about the types and the survival rate. The treatment options. Chemo? Surgery? Radiation? Hormonal? The side effects of each treatments. The risks.  I was glad that I took the initiative to know what I don't know because learning something about cancer calmed some of those terrors

Cancer has always existed among humans.

So I couldn't stop myself from pondering on the bigger questions such as why was there no cure yet? and I would google for biographies of those who had tried and the reasons why they had failed.  The more I read the more I think and the more messed up I get. (With all the medical jargons gosh) So I told myself, let's just worry and focus on things that we have control on and let HIM decide on the others (things beyond our control). So keep on praying and hold on tightly to your faith towards HIM.

Alhamdulillah, the surgery went well and the Doctor said that the cancer was at Stage 1. So there's no need for chemo, radiology or hormone therapy. However, mom would need to go hospital for checkups for the next 5 years. Alhamdulillah. I was relieved. It was like a huge burden were lifted off my shoulders at an instant. 

Most importantly, this experience has prepared me so much. For the next time the disease or other kind of disease strikes, whether that be within myself or within a member of my family or even against one of my friends. I know that this will come eventually since 1/3 of us will develop cancer in our lifetimes (Not to scare you, but the reality is true as it is). When we count our families and our friends it is evident that we will all be touched in some time, some how, some way. You never know. 

And I have learned that ignorance is no way to deal with itWe hear a lot of stories, from the movies, from songs. They tell us to love our loved ones before it is too late. There's also this saying you will never learn until it really happen to you. So. 

Cherish your loved ones before it's too late. 

Written by,
Aiman Ariffin
p/s: I tried to summarize the story as short and condense as possible, sorry if you find it really confusing

May 11, 2015

Beautiful : #WeSmile

So, wherever I go, whatever I read (on my social media), whoever I meet,
semua tanya soalan sama.
'What happened? Share please'.

No secret.
Saya masih sama macam dulu. Skin saya tak flawless pun. Cuma tak seteruk dulu sahaja.
I shared my past sebab nak motivate others to help themselves.
When it went viral. Saya terkilan dengan banyak perkara.
Tapi kita letak semua itu ditepi.

The main reason why I posted that entry was because ; I wanted to help others, to help themselves.

When I was who I was. Saya tak ada sesiapa to look up to yang jadi motivation untuk saya get better. But I was lucky that I had my sisters & my closest friends. They helped me. they brought out the best in me
And so here I am now, with the help of many (people).

But still, that was not the point of my entry. That wasn't the moral of the story.
The point was, having faith in yourself can change a lot of things.  Not only for you yourself. But the people around you, too.

It's about improving yourself. Its about getting a better version of you or better yet, the best version of you.
Dan sebab I thought it's better untuk jadikan kisah saya sendiri sebagai contoh terbaik. Saya kongsikan. Because it happened to me. It's a real story. And I don't mind at all untuk orang tahu how I was back then. Because how I am now. Tak banyak beza pun sebenarnya.

Apa yang anda lihat di kaca tv, majlis hiburan atau apa sahaja berkaitan kerjaya saya sebagai pelakon. That's work.

di luar zon kerja saya. Saya masih orang yang sama. Mungkin bukanlah orang yang pakai baju atau seluar oversized. Atau mungkin bukanlah mamat yang rambut dia mengerbang tak disikat. Tapi cara saya masih sama. Cuma appearance wise, I am a better version of myself now. Improved. Kita hidup. Kena sentiasa baiki diri menjadi lebih baik dari masa ke semasa.

Saya nak beri harapan pada mereka yang low self confidence, yang insecure dengan diri sendiri atau mungkin mereka-mereka yang dilabel sebagai "geek", "weirdo", "nerd", dan lain-lain diluar sana untuk percaya pada diri sendiri. Untuk tidak terus dibuli oleh mereka yang mempunyai minda sempit bahawa indah fizikal itu adalah segalanya.

We are all humans. Sama sahaja.
Some of us (humans) are lucky enough dikurniakan fizikal yang menarik.
Tapi pada yang kekurangan dari apa segi segala pun (gemuk, berjerawat, berpenyakit, dll). Bukan bermakna mereka 'hodoh' (siapa kita nak label orang hodoh?') atau tidak menarik.
Who are we to judge?

berpijaklah dibumi yang nyata.

Jadi untuk menjawab soalan yang sering ditanya pula. Apa yang saya guna dulu. I used Clearasil (light blue packaging). Tapi product tu dah tak ada jual dah pun.

And I have decided to not say anything about whatever 'penyampai berita' put up on their blogs/anything out there. Sebab nanti akan jadi habit, orang lain create story. Saya pula kena jawab. Jadi lepas ni. Saya mengambil pendekatan positif untuk membiarkan sahaja apa-apa cerita yang keluar.

Tapi, satu sahaja nak cakap, 'Udang bakar yang saya makan hari tu sedap!'. ;)

I think what's imperative here is, to love ourselves first.
I want you guys to help yourselves.
Don't rely on others to tell you just how beautiful you are.
It might not be physical sometimes.
It could be your soul,
It could be the way you laugh,
It could be the way you stare,
It could be anything.
Bring out the best in you.
Trust me, we are all beautiful in our own unique way.
don't forget to thank God for that.

untuk luaran pula. biarlah semuanya berubah secara perlahan-lahan.
Don't rush things.
Because we might forget to live.
I've wasted few years of my life locking myself up for all the wrong reasons.
And I can never get that years of my life back and fill it with great memories.
I lost my chance.
Don't do that to yourself.
have faith.


whatever they say,
keep in mind that,
- Hafreez Adam

Jadi, apapun orang cakap.
Just smile.
Love yourself.
Take a selfie and post it.
Let the whole world see just how happy you are.
Just how beautiful you are.
Apa sekali pun orang cakap.
Kita senyum.

and don't forget to hashtag #WeSmile
I'll find you guys there ;)

p/s : and my advice guys, "Don't trust the internet. Whatever you read. trust nothing."

Written by
Hafreez Adam

May 06, 2015

Why Am I Single?

Bismillah Al Rahman Al Rahim,

It's 6 in the morning and I can't sleep. The head won't stop thinking. Trying to answer a question that has been bugging me for years. 

Why am I single?

Work commitment used to be the main reason (or should I say an excuse? lol) for not getting into a relationship. On a second thought, I'm gonna take it back, I don't think work commitment is an excuse, if I can't make time for my close friends what makes you think I have time for my other half? (ok, I'm assured now that it's not a petty excuse lol)

So now, since I'm no longer working at the moment, what's stopping myself from having one? Well, after giving some thought, I probably am a picky person when it comes to this area, or most likely I'm not trying hard enough to mingle and meet new friends, or perhaps I'm comfortable being single since I'm constantly being surrounded by friends. Yeah that might be the case (the privilege of having friends at different time zones countries so I won't be lonely regardless during the day or night)

In all probability, HE might want me to focus on HIM more right now. Who knows right? 

Besides, being single is not as bad as you think. When I think about it, those precious time alone gives me the opportunity to read, to paint, to draw, to sleep, to worry less, to not be serabut with drama, to not feel insecure, to basically have more time to concentrate on myself more. Becoming an adult, a more full and happy version of myself. 

I'm not saying that you shouldn't fall in love. I'm not saying that you should let yourself dwell in isolation. Just don't be weary about it. Brush it off if your friends make fun of it, ignore it if your relatives kept on asking about it.  

The time will come for each one of us to meet our eternal love. InsyaAllah. Kalau ada jodoh tak kemana right? In addition, what's the point of rushing it. When you rush things, you build expectation on people and if anything goes wrong, that disappointment is entirely a construction of your own expectations. So don't do that.

Because at the end of the day, we only have control on our own care and affection.
So right now, I'm just gonna paint, write, run till my lungs give out.

Written by:
Aiman Ariffin

April 09, 2015

Haf.My Story. Part 4 : the stage of an even better present

What about winning?

Does it mean that you are superior? that you get to beat others.
Does it mean that you are better than others?

It could simply means that you are slightly luckier than others.
or it can be anything.
But how I look at it, it could be a reward given by Him, which contain challenges behind it.
Remember what I said in "Success Failure" ?

Tiada siapa yang boleh tentukan kegagalan atau kejayaan kita.
no one really can say much except for youself.

At this point.
I care less with what people have to say.
Sebab manusia mempunyai hak untuk menyuarakan pendapat masing-masing
and I honestly respect that.

Saya cuba mengambil pendekatan positif dengan membiarkan orang bercakap apa sahaja, dengan harapan, in time, kebolehan (bakat) saya akan menjentik minda mereka dengan perkataan "he deserved it".

Saya akan biarkan hasil kerja saya bersuara bagi pihak saya.
One fine day, insya-Allah.

If you've read "the Beauty in ugly" .
You'll understand how much it's an appreciation for me to stand there, right on that stage. holding that trophy.
That was not just for me personally, but also for those who has my back all this while.
dan paling penting, ianya juga adalah pengiktirafan for geeks like me.
I'm happy that I got the chance to represent this crowd (the geeks).

I built myself up so that I can help others to not lose hope and give up.
To make this world a better place to live in.

It's been a crazy ride. But I am here today.
Whether you like it or not. 
I am here.
And I'll be here for as long as they need me.

Dalam hidup ni. Akan sentiasa ada orang yang nak jatuhkan kita.
Tapi akan ada juga orang yang nak menaikkan kita.
But I chose to have faith in myself. Though sometimes it's pretty darn hard. Because I don't know what God has in store for me.
I had no idea that I'd being doing this.
I had no idea that when I started this. I'd be standing here.
I had no idea.
I just went with the flow. and here I am today.
I'm still trying my best to always have faith in myself.
that I'll be somebody that can and will change at least a piece of this world,
to, insya-Allah, something better.

Jadi, saya meminta ruang,
untuk membiarkan saya menjalani hidup saya ini dengan positif.
Tanpa ada sikap prejudis. sebelum melihat sendiri kemampuan saya untuk dinilai.
Beri saya ruang,
To be better, dari segi kerjaya. 
And as a person, too.

"Because I don't listen to people.
But, I make things happen"
- H.A

Hafreez Adam

March 16, 2015

Success Failure

Success. Failure.
How do you see 'em.
Apa yang menjadi ukuran kejayaan atau kegagalan anda pada mata anda sendiri??

Macam mana anda menilainya?

Well, Let's just say.....
Kejayaan atau kegagalan kita itu bukan terletak pada orang lain. but ourselves.

Jangan biar orang ukur kejayaan ataupun kegagalan kita.
Because only we (and God) know how hard we've tried.

Dan bagaimana kita nak menilai kejayaan dan kegagalan kita?
Hati, jawapan ada pada hati.
Anda rasa kecewa. sebab anda gagal.
You feel happy, because you have succeeded.

Pada mata orang, belajar tinggi, jadi doktor, berumah besar. berduit banyak. berkereta mewah.
Itu kejayaan.

tapi pada mata kita sendiri?
Is that how you see and evaluate it?

Pada mata saya.
Yes. betul. It's some sort of lambang kejayaan.
tak belajar tinggi. tak jadi doktor and all that stuff,
tak bermakna mereka gagal.
You don't know how far someone has come in life.

Dato' Siti tu antara contoh terbaik yang kita ada sekarang.
Tak perlulah saya cakap kenapa. Rasa semua tahu.
Tapi tengok dia sekarang. Antara individu paling hebat pengaruhnya di Malaysia.
Dikenali sehingga ke luar negara.
Rekodnya bukan calang-calang.
She's a real role model.

Kejayaan dan kegagalan seseorang itu tidak terletak pada tangan orang lain untuk diiktiraf.
But ourselves.
Let it be if someone is just a cleaner sekali pun. if dia rasa itu kejayaan. Itu kejayaan pada dia, regardless apa orang lain cakap.
Maybe dia dulu sekadar kutip tin dan jual. who knows?
So, dia improved. Orang yang improve adalah orang yang berjaya.
Orang yang tidak. well, mereka lah yang gagal.

Judge no one.
Because you don't like to be judged.
Do you?


"Because to reach is never easy.
But to try is never hard"
- Hafreez Adam